**HEALTH WARNING** Stay Away From Doctor Google

I know, I know, I shouldn't have consulted him - but he's got such a wealth of experience and knowledge at his fingertips,err, well my fingertips and....well.....the bloody local Doctors all seem to have conflicting advice regarding the treatment of my Deep Vein Thrombosis; my case in point:

1. Keep your leg elevated to help with the swelling - but make sure you exercise your limb to prevent further problems; I mean WTF ?? Do I keep still, or move my arse ?

2. Exercise within your pain threshold, but remember, there is a small risk of the clot breaking up and causing a pulmonary embolism if you "over do it" ... define OverDO it you morons....and how do you know that my pain threshold will not cause further damage because I'm tough and it's too high, or fuck things up because I'm a bloody great sook ?

3. Make sure you don't change your diet, eat healthily, but for fucks sake don't eat broccoli, spinach, olive oil, soya products etc.. 'cos they'll mess with your warfarin levels, give a false reading and you could be under/over anti-coagulated and that's very dangerous, life threatening even. Great news for a tofu-eating, broccoli loving chick ... not !

Woohoo ! No, great, that's fabulous news Doc...now fuck off with your contradictory advice, I'm off to consult Dr Google; thanks all the same.

Oops, waaaaay BAD IDEA kids - Dr Google is just lurking to seriously mess with your heads and banish all hopes of sleep (even those freaking measly 5hours you normally get - gone) you may have harboured for tonight. Let's see...

DVT - let's start with the fucker that started all this nonsense, shall we: A pulmonary embolism (PE) happens when a piece of the blood clot from a DVT breaks off and travels through the bloodstream to the lungs. In the lungs it can block a pulmonary artery. This can cause chest pain, shortness of breath or coughing up phlegm tinged with blood. In severe cases it can be fatal. PE can happen hours or even days after the DVT has formed. DVT treatment significantly lowers the risk of this complication, but does not eradicate it completely. = Yay, even with a diagnosis and treatment started, I'm not out of the woods ! Memo to self...put 000 (911 for you others) in my speed dial

Heparin Injections - stabbing those suckers into my stomach twice a day, every day - Watch for these common reactions: change in skin colour or pain around the injection site; fever; chills; runny nose; watering eyes; nausea and vomiting; headache; itchy soles of the feet; osteoporosis; collection of blood
under skin; irregular heart beat; muscular weakness, fatigue and tingling of the hands, feet or tongue; unusual hair loss. = Awesome, I'm going to be fucking bald

Warfarin Tablets - 5mg once a day: Get medical help if you have any of these signs - hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat; skin changes or discoloration anywhere on your body; purple toes or fingers; pain in your stomach, back, or sides; low fever, loss of appetite, dark urine, jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes); diarrhoea, fever, chills, body aches, flu symptoms; easy bruising or bleeding that will not stop; blood in your urine; black, bloody, or tarry stools; nosebleeds, bleeding gums, coughing up blood; feeling weak or light-headed; sudden headache, confusion, problems with vision, speech, or balance; sudden leg or foot pain; or sudden numbness or weakness, especially on one side of the body; nausea, vomiting, stomach pain; gas and bloating; or hair loss ..... = Fan-Fucking-Tastic I'm going to be FUCKING BALD.

So, clearly even if I live to Blog another day (and we now know that's not a safe bet), I am going to be bald ... and as other women will know, being a bald chick is SO NOT COOL :)

My advice = stay the hell away from this Quack punters.....he's unlicensed and clearly not qualified to hang his shingle anywhere in the real world .... Real Doctors are bad enough, but this bloke is pure Frankenstein evil :)