Sex and your Teenager

My 15 year old son, Zach, and I have a great relationship; in between the ages of 1 (when his father and I divorced) and 9 (when I met and married Tex), I was a single mum (Zach is my only child) and as a result, he and I developed a very close bond. Zach has always been able to talk to me about anything, and I mean anything. Over the years, my work has meant that I have lived a great distance from my family, and so Zach and I have spent thousands of hours cooped up together in a car on interstate road trips. The conversations that deal with inherently personal stuff have usually occurred during these trips, where there is just he and I, but where the fact that I am the driver means that I can't look at him !

It usually goes something like this: Zach asks a question: "How to women masturbate if they don't have a penis ?" Me: (thinks frantically, be cool, it's ok, just give him the facts, keep the conversation going, don't be embarrassed or he will stop communicating), "well Zach, it's like this......[and I explain]

Countless questions have occurred over the years (aside from the doozy above), from the predictable, "Why did you and Dad get a divorce", (answer "because he wanted to have lots of other girlfriends as well as Mum") to the mundane, "Why is my face full of pimples", ("it's just hormones mate") to the "Why do I feel angry sometimes for no reason" ("ditto the hormones"), the "What is it with girls??". We've discussed his relationship with his girlfriend (who he's been with for almost 18months; a lovely age-appropriate relationship - holding hands, kisses, phone calls) We've also had the safe sex/condom/STD/unwanted pregnancy discussions, which have always concluded with, I'm not even interested Mum, but when I am, I'll tell you.

Which brings me to the post topic. Driving to the airport earlier this week, I knew he was working up to one of his "questions", and we batted back and forth, skirting the issue for a while, until he came up with "it"; it went something like:

Zach: "Sarah and I have been discussing sex and when we think it would be the right time. We both think we are too young now; we could deal with the physical side of it, but I don't think we are ready for the emotional issues that come with having sex. We both discussed that we think our relationship is special and that we want the first time to be really special too. We think that we'll wait until we are 16, and take it slow."

Me: "I'm really impressed that you've both had the maturity to discuss the matter so honestly and openly and that you've spoken with me about it. I'm really glad to hear that you have determined to wait at least a year, and that you have considered the emotional side of things as well as the physicality. I'm so very proud of the young man you've become and the respect you are showing for Sarah and yourself".

Yep, all sounds cool; I'm being totally cool on the surface, but inside my guts are churning. Partly because my little boy is growing up, but I was never really going to be ready for that ! But, more so because I'm not sure whether to just leave it at this, or....I don't know. At what age are kids having sex these days ? At what point do parents intervene and at what point do they back off ? Part of me is confident that Zach will come to me again if he is thinking of taking the next step, but the other part is concerned that he may not and, well, he's too bloody young.

And also, when they say they want to plan the first time so it's "special" at 16, where do they go ? My house - yikes NO ! Her home - not likely. But it needs to safe - bloody hell, I'm rambling a bit now and getting way ahead of myself, but how do you parents feel about your kids (not adult kids, but kid kids) sleeping together in your home ? Zach often has friends, including his girlfriend, stay over, but when it's time for sleep, it's off to separate rooms.

I accept that this may just be me exhibiting the "Smother-Mother" gene that my father thinks I have, and a major over-reaction to a perfectly normal situation; but if any of you amazing, been-there-and-done-that parents out there have any sage wisdom to offer me, I would be hugely grateful to hear your thoughts.