Becoming Emotionally Honest

We wear a mask that grins and lies
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes
This debt we pay to human guile
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile

(Taken from a poem by Paul Lawrence Dunbar (1872-1906)


Co-dependence .... Hmmm, I've got some issues around this. But, I think a big part of getting it sorted is to continue to work on emotional honesty. Emotional honesty means expressing your true feelings. I don't always find it easy to express my emotions. Like me, I'm sure many of you have picked up the idea that some of our feelings are not acceptable and should be shut away. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and an emotionally unavailable mother and feelings were simply not articulated, let alone dealt with in an authentic manner. Ergo, I grew up with some really maladjusted ways of coping with my problems; mostly simply denying they existed and that I was always "just perfect, thanks, just fine, yep, I'm ok".

But the problem with trying to deny our feelings is that they don’t really go away but continue to work on us from inside. Take it from one who knows, these unexpressed feelings can be a source of great suffering, sometimes much greater than the physical effects of illness. On the other hand, getting those feelings out in the open can be a great relief. Simply by acknowledging your feelings and then expressing them, you are better able to deal with them. Sometimes just talking will make a big difference; other times more specialised help may be required. But the bottom line is, you can’t deal with your emotions if they are bottled up inside.

If we are more emotionally honest with ourselves we will get to know our "true selves" on a deeper level. This may help us become more self-accepting and it could also helps us make better choices about how to spend our time and who to spend it with. If we are emotionally honest with others, it may encourage them to be more emotionally honest with us. When we are emotionally honest we are more likely not to be asked or pressured to do things which we do not want to do and will stop doing those things we do, out of "obligation" (which we invariably resent afterwards). We will also find out sooner who respects our feelings and who is worthy of spending our time with.

Scary stuff, putting yourself 'out there'; of course you risk being hurt, rejected, ridiculed, ignored, humiliated. But, I think the potential rewards make it worth it :)