Well, I've finally done it - I've had that conversation with my mother. Yep, from 2008 I will not be playing "happy families" at Christmas time. I will spend the holidays with Tex and Tex Jnr doing what makes us happy, not what my family expects me to do, or what I feel obligated to do. Whilst I do love my two sisters and my mum and dad, I share very little with them other than genes. We have absolutely nothing in common and to continue to pretend that we all get on with each other is just farcical. To put it bluntly, my sisters are self-absorbed, materialistic, drama queens; my father is an emotionally-distant alcoholic and my poor mother is just about drowning in her martyrdom. Now, I'm certainly not perfect - far, far from it. I have plenty of my own idiosyncrasies which no doubt drive them equally spare. But, whilst I can get on with each of them individually, put us all together under one roof and it is a fucking train smash !
So, bring on Christmas 2008 - you don't scare me anymore ! Woohoo !!
Do Fish Dream ?
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Liberation !
Posted by Tex's Missus at 12/29/2007 10:58:00 PM
Labels: happy holidays, liberation, martydom, self-absorbed
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12 comments:
Way to go Missus!!! The first step is always the hardest...you have me in your corner cheering you on all the way!
I'm assuming the conversation almost all atheist aren't too happy having? I told my sister I was atheist and I think it went like wildfire after that. So, I really haven't spoken to them much about it.
Good for you! Now watch all the little comments crop up, like, why do you celebrate christmas, how do you have morals...etc.
I think it's not much about atheism. Her family aren't particularly into faith at all, it's just about not taking shit, and standing up and saying "no thanks, I don't want to do what you want".
An example is Missus has got her mum coming next week and her Mum has some friends here in sydney, who wanted them to catch up by going to "Doyles" a well known Sydney seafood restaurant, where you go if you want to be a pretentious wanker and let everyone know how cool you think you are. My wife doesn't even like fish food, so said she didn't want to go, but they were welcome to visit us.
Well, suddenly, it was, "oh no, the blue mountains is miles away". Yeah, it's ok for us to have to travel 80kms to see them and go to fucking "Doyles", but they're not that interested in catching up that they would bother making any effort. Fuck 'em.
Good on ya Missus, I love you for just saying what you want and not getting dragged along to an occasion where you'd be unhappy and resentful.
Thanks so much for your support Sarah. I talk tough but it won't be easy dealing with the resentment I know they will all harbour now ! But, you are absolutely right - I've taken the first step.
Hmmm, I never understood that Tina. Why is it that having morals is directly linked to Christianity ? I mean what the .... ? So, if you have sound values and morals and live your life being decent and kind, it must mean you are a Christian ? How fucked up is that ? But, interestingly, I read an article in a newspaper just yesterday which was basically saying that it's impossible for humans to be "good" without having religion as the basis for this "goodness". Grrrrr
Tex, thanks babe. As the one who historically has had to suffer the fallout from my own resentment at doing things out of obligation, hopefully you will benefit too !
Girl, are we sisters, you discribed my family to a T...cept I dont have sisters (just cousins)..and my poor brothers are just shell-shocked..lol..
Yep i have the pretensious wanna be cousin going broke keeping her kids in the best schools..the matyr mother (god she has turned that into a lifetime committment) I think my passive aggressive alcoholic father has the right idea at times..lol..
So proud of you girl...Its hard to go against all that, I found Christmas magnified all that...I would sit and watch them and think your all so bloody fake!...
I agree, it's not about Christians or Atheists...I have my own values, I'm honest, I'm gentle & loving, I don't gossip or back bite..but the family thing went against that...
I've said before that from here on in, it's my immediate family, that will come first...It will take me a little bit but I want to build my own traditions....You have your priorities right baby..You 3 are what matter, your family is what matters...
The hardest part is getting through the guilt they will heap on you...but i just set strong boundaries and said 'No this is what I'm doing'
Sorry to ramble on..but as you know this subject is close to heart at the moment..
You are not rambling at all Abbey; this kind of feedback is atually extremely therapeutic and just what I need to hear right now. I'm starting to feel less like I'm on a "poor little me" rant and more like I'm assertively stating "your behviour is unacceptable to me and I no longer to choose to accept it".
I'm taking much inspiration and drawing strength from blogs like yours and Sarah's so keep the comments and posts coming girls - and let's make 2008 a year for setting boundaries, for self-care, for ridding ourselves of unecessary guilt and for building our own family traditions.
I totally agree! I stopped worrying so much about what others think in my family when I came the realization that I was an atheist. I felt so free, not so worried about what my family thought about me. I felt so sure of myself, and the bloggers here only help me more as I go along.
I usually work on the holidays and that has gotten me out of a lot of "cheer."
I still have to go, no I choose to go to in laws that don't really like or respect me. I choose to go to try and keep marital harmony, but still...
Ah Missus Tex, tell your mum & family...that for the 12 days of Christmas you are all going to dance naked for an hour in the moonlight each night...and that they are welcome to join you...lol and that the only food you will be eating is what you've caught yourself, so can they bring the rabbit meat...all said with politeness and smiles...
The key word you used was 'obligated' ..how can one enjoy themselves at something you feel obligated to be at...its the opposite of what Christmas is about...I had a beautiful day with just one friend and the 2 kids...boxing day has become and annual bbq at a friends, that the kids have come to expect...its almost like the Christmas we all want to have, so we get the 'family' one out of the way...lol...its relaxing, no stress and lots of laughs..
I know it will take a little while to build my own traditions (like when to do the tree, what to do christmas eve, going to see houses lit up, the christmas day surf), but it will be worth it, down the track I hope Josef will be bringing his own family so I want it to be enjoyable and for him not to feel 'obligated' ..
You'll get there too...It's about thinking deep down, what is important to me...and you have that step worked out...onya!
"...and let's make 2008 a year for setting boundaries, for self-care, for ridding ourselves of unecessary guilt and for building our own family traditions."
This'll be my new mantra...thanks for commenting over at my "place"...so good to know I'm not the only one. I usually don't "go off" about such things, but, boy I've had this past holiday. I gotta take care of me and mine and the outsiders will just have to deal with that.
Happy New Year!
I usually avoid the Christmas crap by working - and have successfully avoided 'the day' for years.
This year, cos I am onn the opposite side of the continent and away from a certain female member of my family (the rest are great) I did the day, my way, and had a ball.
You go girl! We only have one life and we need to live it our way :-)
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