Bunny Boilers

I'm in a job where I have hundreds of staff and I'm frequently involved in assisting them deal with myriad professional and personal crises. In the last couple of weeks, I've had a couple of experiences with women who have come to me for advice about what I would describe as systematic, sustained, seriously-fucked-up stalking behaviour from ex's. Both these women detailed patterns of behaviour by these men which, to any reasonable person, would constitute unacceptable behaviour, but for some reason, they had put up with it for up to 18months. The stories they told, the emails and transcribed text messages they showed me, were enough to simultaneously raise goose-bumps on my flesh and make me sick to my stomach. There was evidence of plaintive, pleading entreaties followed only minutes later by sadistic, perverted threats against the girls and their new partners/kids/pets. The girls had been followed in cars, on foot, had their houses and workplaces watched and in one case, a note had been passed directly to a child on their way home from school from the psycho ex. In the other case, an email she received revealed her ex knew the name of her new partner, his daughter's name, where he worked and what he did for a job, both he and his daughter's dates of birth, her new address, (silent) telephone number - and he's supposed to be living interstate - how the hell did he find this stuff out ?? Seriously, scary, fucked-up shit. But, neither of these girls had sought police intervention - they had either tried to ignore the behaviour, replied to emails and text messages with gentle pleas to be left alone to get on with their new lives or retreated into their homes and lived like caged birds.

Helloooooo !!!! Girls - these men are nut-bags of the highest order - dontcha think that if they intended leaving you alone, they would have done so by now ????

The really sad part is that part of me understands the manipulation and mind games that these men play and how we women sometimes buy into their shit. I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent person, but I stayed in a previous emotionally-abusive relationship for 6 years because my ex had convinced me I was fat, ugly, worthless, stupid and unlovable - in hindsight, and now I'm in a healthy, authentic, honest relationship, I am furious with myself, for I know I am none of those things, but at the time, when you are in the midst of it, your self-esteem is so low you really and truly believe it, deep down. So, I get why other women don't leave or when they do, how hard they sometimes find it to extricate themselves from the relationship.

But, back to these women - I took both of them to the local police station where they were compassionately interviewed by domestic violence case workers and AVOs were taken out against the men involved. It's early days yet, but it appears as though these cowardly, bullying men have finally met their match. Of course, not all women are as lucky as these two - domestic homicides are all too frequent, and it's really scary what a fine line there is between passionate love and passionate hate.

No, I'm not a man hater - my two great loves are my husband and only son - and I do agree that this kind of behaviour is perpetrated by many women as well (as the title of my blog suggests). But, the terror I witness in those who are genuinely afraid for their lives and those of their loved ones when they are the victim of stalker-ex's, are usually women.

So, has it happened to you ? Have you been stalked or had your bunny boiled by an ex ? I'd love to hear your stories.