War Games, circa 1995

The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995 between a U.S. Navy ship and British authorities off the Scottish North coast. The transcript was released by the MoD on the 10/10/95:

BRITISH: Please divert your course 15degrees to the South to avoid collision.

U.S. NAVY: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

U.S. NAVY: This is the Captain of U.S. Navy Ship, I say again, divert YOUR course.

BRITISH: Negative, I say again, you will have to divert your course.

U.S. NAVY: This is the Captain of the Aircraft Carrier, USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15degrees North, that's 15degrees North, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

BRITISH: WE ARE A LIGHTHOUSE. FUCK OFF !

My Goal in Life

My principal Goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am :)

Insight from the Dalai Lama Pt1 - Inner Peace and Happiness

"As human beings, we all want to be happy and free from misery.....We have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness"

Insight from the Dalai Lama

Finally ... Freedom from the Myth of Superwoman

Or... Why the Have-it-All Woman has decided she doesn't actually want it all.....


Yes, I admit it; I was one of those women a few years ago who bought into this myth; no, more than that, I swallowed it hook, line and sinker. Yes, the strong, feminist women who went before me told me I could have it all - naturally then I thought I could have a high paying, high profile, high stress job and seamlessly and concurrently combine it with studying for two Masters Degrees, raising a son as a single parent, ensuring that I had the house as neat as the home in pages of Home Beautiful, that my son had fresh vegies and fruit and a wholesome cooked meal every night, that I got to the gym four nights a week, to the netball court once a week and to the P&C meetings at my son's school on a regular basis. Funnily enough, my health suffered as did my relationships with family and friends....I wasn't happy with myself and I wasn't a fun person to be around.

Now, I love curling up with a good CSI-type thriller, but I used to get an enormous attack of the guilts if I read one of these novels or a trashy gossip mag instead of a text book. Yep folks, for a while there, this girl next door got a little too carried away with trying to emulate the picture-perfect lives of the Modern Day Superwomen I used to read about.

Oh, sure....it's oh-so-fucking easy to have four kids and a stellar career, while looking immaculate, saving the world and maintaining a steamy love life with a fellow high achiever - when you've got millions of dollars and an army of assistants, nannies, chefs and personal trainers at your disposal (not naming any names.....Brangelina !)

Who was I kidding trying to do all that ? And, more importantly, why would I want to when spending hours hanging out and riding my motorbike with my husband or laughing with my son while wearing trackie daks and a holey t-shirt is infinitely more rewarding ?

So, I'm on a quest ..... a quest to give up the guilt; trying to do everything perfectly just leads to frustration and sets myself up for failure and misery. So, in 2008 I pledge to learn the lost art of delegation and saying no and to stopping doing things out of obligation. Will the world end if I buy rather than bake a cake for my son's school fete ? Does the bookcase really need dusting this very second, or would 30mins spend relaxing with one of the books be more helpful ?

Rather than running around like a headless chook, I'm going to start to take a good hard look at what truly needs to be done today.....then I'm going to do those things the best way I can - but I won't panic if the results are not 100% - and I am going to make time for myself. If I'm happy, then Tex and Zach and others around me will be happy, too.

How Dumb Are We ?

Recently, a survey by people who care found out what we've known for far too long. (insert country of choice:) are a stupid, stupid people.

54% were able to accurately state how long it takes the Earth to revolve around the sun (One Year)

45% Said Lasers work by focusing sound waves (Light waves, kids, it's what the "L" stands for.)

And it just got better from there.

So the question becomes, in terms of scientific knowledge, How Dumb Are We? Let's find out. Take this scientific test and see just how dumb you really are.


As for me.....You got 8 right. Impressive. Most impressive. Now bark like a dog.

They Just Didn't Think it Through....

I'm afraid the Jesus Junkies just didn't think this one through.....

Valentine's Day - Hallmark Hype or Consummate Romanticism ?

"If music be the food of love, play on" - Shakespeare

It’s Valentine's Day next week; the consummate day of love and romance, when lovers across the world celebrate with blood red roses, chocolate hearts, jewellery, cuddly stuffed animals and candlelit dinners for two..... nauseating, isn't it ?!

Though many couples and singles do something special to mark the occasion, almost as many on both sides of the relationship aisle confess to loathing the sugary day of romance and the stress, depression, guilt and disappointment that bubble to the surface when it arrives, maddeningly, year after year.

So, Bloggers, are you one of those people who complain that it's a commercialised holiday created by De Beers, greeting card companies and florists (but ends up buying a box of chocolate hearts for your mate anyway ‘cos you don’t want the hassle not buying a gift will get you …. or is this a sure path to sex ??) Or, do you sincerely, and genuinely, get all doe-eyed and outlay some of your hard-earned on chocolates, flowers, lingerie, diamonds, and stuffed teddy bears in order to demonstrate your love and affection for your partner (or partner wanna-be) ?

Or do you hate it? Do you detest it with a virulent passion ? Do you feel nauseated at the thought of the sappy qualities that characterize 14th Feb ? Are you a bah-humbug, Valentine’s Day scrooge who despises what you say is the corny, forced sentimentalism of a contrived, overly commercialised day ?

Personally, I Valentine’s Day is one of the most annoying and cliché days of the year, seducing people into thinking the way to someone’s heart is through material things. Perhaps that's because I am fortunate enough to be married to a man who not only tells me he loves me, but shows me in countless ways every day that he loves me. (But - and this pains me greatly to admit - I would be a complete liar if I didn't confess that a tiny part of me feels quite envious of those girls who get enormous bouquets of roses delivered to their offices each Feb 14th !)

What about you Bloggers - do you or don't you get with the Valentine's Day Program ??

**HEALTH WARNING** Stay Away From Doctor Google

I know, I know, I shouldn't have consulted him - but he's got such a wealth of experience and knowledge at his fingertips,err, well my fingertips and....well.....the bloody local Doctors all seem to have conflicting advice regarding the treatment of my Deep Vein Thrombosis; my case in point:

1. Keep your leg elevated to help with the swelling - but make sure you exercise your limb to prevent further problems; I mean WTF ?? Do I keep still, or move my arse ?

2. Exercise within your pain threshold, but remember, there is a small risk of the clot breaking up and causing a pulmonary embolism if you "over do it" ... define OverDO it you morons....and how do you know that my pain threshold will not cause further damage because I'm tough and it's too high, or fuck things up because I'm a bloody great sook ?

3. Make sure you don't change your diet, eat healthily, but for fucks sake don't eat broccoli, spinach, olive oil, soya products etc.. 'cos they'll mess with your warfarin levels, give a false reading and you could be under/over anti-coagulated and that's very dangerous, life threatening even. Great news for a tofu-eating, broccoli loving chick ... not !

Woohoo ! No, great, that's fabulous news Doc...now fuck off with your contradictory advice, I'm off to consult Dr Google; thanks all the same.

Oops, waaaaay BAD IDEA kids - Dr Google is just lurking to seriously mess with your heads and banish all hopes of sleep (even those freaking measly 5hours you normally get - gone) you may have harboured for tonight. Let's see...

DVT - let's start with the fucker that started all this nonsense, shall we: A pulmonary embolism (PE) happens when a piece of the blood clot from a DVT breaks off and travels through the bloodstream to the lungs. In the lungs it can block a pulmonary artery. This can cause chest pain, shortness of breath or coughing up phlegm tinged with blood. In severe cases it can be fatal. PE can happen hours or even days after the DVT has formed. DVT treatment significantly lowers the risk of this complication, but does not eradicate it completely. = Yay, even with a diagnosis and treatment started, I'm not out of the woods ! Memo to self...put 000 (911 for you others) in my speed dial

Heparin Injections - stabbing those suckers into my stomach twice a day, every day - Watch for these common reactions: change in skin colour or pain around the injection site; fever; chills; runny nose; watering eyes; nausea and vomiting; headache; itchy soles of the feet; osteoporosis; collection of blood
under skin; irregular heart beat; muscular weakness, fatigue and tingling of the hands, feet or tongue; unusual hair loss. = Awesome, I'm going to be fucking bald

Warfarin Tablets - 5mg once a day: Get medical help if you have any of these signs - hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat; skin changes or discoloration anywhere on your body; purple toes or fingers; pain in your stomach, back, or sides; low fever, loss of appetite, dark urine, jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes); diarrhoea, fever, chills, body aches, flu symptoms; easy bruising or bleeding that will not stop; blood in your urine; black, bloody, or tarry stools; nosebleeds, bleeding gums, coughing up blood; feeling weak or light-headed; sudden headache, confusion, problems with vision, speech, or balance; sudden leg or foot pain; or sudden numbness or weakness, especially on one side of the body; nausea, vomiting, stomach pain; gas and bloating; or hair loss ..... = Fan-Fucking-Tastic I'm going to be FUCKING BALD.

So, clearly even if I live to Blog another day (and we now know that's not a safe bet), I am going to be bald ... and as other women will know, being a bald chick is SO NOT COOL :)

My advice = stay the hell away from this Quack punters.....he's unlicensed and clearly not qualified to hang his shingle anywhere in the real world .... Real Doctors are bad enough, but this bloke is pure Frankenstein evil :)

How Much Is Your Blog Worth ?

Hmmmm, it's back to work on Monday for me .... apparently my blog is only worth a measly $ 6209.94 !

Even allowing for the USD -v- AUD differential, I'm still a pauper :)

My blog is worth $6,209.94.
How much is your blog worth?

It's a bit hard to read, but click on the box above and see how much your blog is worth :)

I am Woman, hear me snore !

Seriously people, I am tired...no, wait I am beyond tired and way beyond being pissed off. This latest health "issue" of mine has well and truly kicked me in the arse and I'm over it. I'm in pain and I'm miserable and you bet I'm wallowing at my own private Pity-Party. I'm over trying so bloody hard to live up to (my own mostly) expectations about working, about living, and about eating a more healthy diet (readers of this blog may recollect my no-wheat, no-sugar, no-flour, no-taste eating plan which I've stuck rigidly to for the past 59 days) - for months and months now I've been exercising right and eating right and living right and smiling right and being so damned "good" and look where it's bloody well got me....and so I've been doing some thinking....

Statistically, women are physically healthier specimens than men. Women live longer, and generally when they look like they might be 8 months pregnant, it IS a baby and not a weekly slab of beer. Ironically though, it's the pressure that women put on themselves to look healthier (read: thinner) that sees them fall behind men in the mental health stakes. Women are bloody hopeless slaves to the glossy whims of magazines, forever comparing themselves to airbrushed ideals and pampered celebrities. They fear ordinary and drive themselves to madness in their quest to change every single aspect of that which nature dished up. Men look at George Clooney or Brad Pitt, shrug and order pizza and beer.

Interestingly, many of the so-called beautiful people who women idolise in their quests to change everything about themselves are no happier than your average housewife. In fact, some are downright depressed, disturbed, and damaged by the omnipresent pressure to look good, live well, and eat rarely. Why else is Claudia Schiffer thin enough to disappear when she turns sideways? Why is Cindy Crawford wracked by reports of her husbands cheating? Why do Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell get so nervous around airport sniffer dogs? It seems likely the only uber-gorgeous celebrities who seem genuinely happy have had their smiles painted on by the InStyle Airbrushing Department. Perhaps if female celebrities themselves revolted against the pressure to be ever thinner and younger, the average ordinary woman would follow suit.

Did you know that the latest international figures have revealed that a staggering 82% of working mums (like there is any other kind) survive on less than five hours sleep per night? About 40% would be classified as depressed if, Prozac willing, they had the time to get to the Doctor to be diagnosed. While good make-up does much to hide the modern working-mum's dazed and confused look, the fact remains that most of them are stumbling about from family crisis to committee meeting on little more than a cup of strong coffee and a sloppy 6am kiss from a three year old. That they command 4WD vehicles in supermarket carparks is frankly terrifying.

Men simply don't let themselves get as rundown as and exhausted as women do. Wisely, they allow themselves to concentrate on one thing at a time and consequently (usually) do that one thing rather well. They relax without letting themselves feel guilty about it. They don't trouble themselves about remembering family birthdays and key events. They don't worry about neglecting friends. They trust that women will do enough worrying about the state of their relationship for both of them. They watch entire TV shows all the way through. They sleep for eight hours a night.

Women would do well to follow men's lead (or lack thereof) in this area. They should ignore the ghosts of pioneering feminists baying at their heels. For all that bra-burning achieved, the reality is that modern women have gone and whipped themselves into vicious circles of exhaustion, the high price of which is exacted in their health, their self-esteem and their relationships.

Women need to stop this madness. They need to listen to men when they say, remote in hand "Sit down already. The footy's about to start”! They need to change all the rules of this crazy game called daily life. They need to scream: "I am Woman! Hear me snore! I can't keep running anymore" !!

Whew....off to bed now - phone off the hook, ceiling fan on, ipod on soothing tunes selection....ahhhhhhh - oh fuck !! I completely forgot - Zach has a cricket game at 0800h tomorrow at an oval some 45mins drive from here - quickly start snoring, you only have a few hours to sleep, shit, where are his cricket whites, have they been washed, what about his new boots, will they give him blisters, remember to take bandaids, bloody hell, get some sleep, the alarm will be going off if you don't fucking go to sleep, shit what is that noise, oh hell, the cat's stuck in my wardrobe again, fuck, have they been fed ... Fuuuuuuck !! I forgot to give Banjo his antibiotics tonight, oh hell, I hope his eye doesn't get re-infected now...oh what is that noise, shit it's the bloody shower dripping, gotta get a new washer for the tap...breathe, breathe, Fucking Hell - now what ? I'm not sure I locked the front door.... bloody hell Tex, where are you ???????? Come home soon pleeeeease !!!!!!